I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize