so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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