the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Randomize