I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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