I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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