i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
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In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
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Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
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