I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
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I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
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It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize