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I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
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