My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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