tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
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Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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