the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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