I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think my vagina is haunted
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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