I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize