I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
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He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
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I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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