Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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