My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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