She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
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I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
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I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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