I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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