if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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