I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize