what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
NoShamevember. You game?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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