So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
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I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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