Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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