She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
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dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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