so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
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he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
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Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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