So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
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Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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