Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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