some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize