Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize