just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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