u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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