When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
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I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
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I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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