im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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