If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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