My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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