i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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