I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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