you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
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I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
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You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
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