this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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