paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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