I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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