Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
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I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
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Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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