Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize