Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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