You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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