Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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