My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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