ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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