god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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