hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize